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Saturday, January 8, 2011

Feeling better and better...

As I carried my daughter from my bed to hers tonight, I was overcome with happiness and peace. Looking at her sweet face and listening to the little noises she made, I thought "THIS is what I want to do with my life!"
And I can't tell you how amazing it is to have that joy back. Because just a couple of months ago, I was terrified. I was terrified because I felt like I was outside of my body, watching my joy and passion in life sepe out of myself. The day I hit the lowest of the low, I remember looking at my daughter-focusing on her face- and just waiting for those sweet, innocent eyes to pull me out of the funk I was in. And when they didn't, I felt even more helpless.

Because of all the health issues I was in the midst of, because of all of the stress and the toll it had taken on me... I was literally a shell of myself. I knew how much I loved my daughter, my life, my Lord, and so many other things. But I couldn't FEEL it. It was as if there was something else taking over me and holding me hostage outside of myself... holding me hostage against everything that brought me happiness in life. It was a terrible feeling, one that made me wonder if I needed to seek out a psychiatric hospital.

But by the grace of God and natural "medicine", here I am just a few months later. And I know that all of these blogs seem to be telling the same story. And I wish I could find a way to make this more interesting. But the truth is my healing is coming in so many ways.
For years, I thought I would always just be chronically tired. I thought I would always need a nap every day and that I would always struggle to feel normal or healthy. And then my physical health issues turned into so much more and the fear of what my life would be like were so much worse. I wondered if I could ever handle the stresses of being an adult again.
And now I can physically feel my body changing. I feel healthier, look healthier. And I'm not afraid.
And the only thing I've done differently is to take Chinese herbal supplements and to start on a diet that's more condusive to my health issues (for me that means more greens, which I've never eaten).

I'm off to bed now. But I just wanted to share (again!) how great I'm feeling.

God bless!

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