I spend a lot of time on Facebook. I have friends and family from all walks of life and I enjoy being able to connect with people I may see three times a week as well as people with whom I don't have a reason to meet up with once or twice a year. Just because we live 1000 miles apart or because our lives have gone seperate ways doesn't lessen the relationship we once had or still have. And so all 300 of my FB friends are there for a very distinct reason. And, as addictive and counterproductive as it can be, I enjoy it for the nurturing of these relationships.
If I could talk about where I'm at and how I'm feeling today, my FB statuses might look something like this
Melissa: Feels great.
Melissa: Is so happy.
Melissa: Is findng a new inner peace.
Melissa: Feels closer to God than ever before.
Melissa: is so grateful.
Because I do. As I lay in the bath just now, I thought about a line from a book I read tonight. The author talked about how the same water has been here on our earth for mllions of years and how amazing that is. And as I lay there in what I would typically deem as subpar water, I didn't worry about whether some of my hair was floating around in it. I didn't wonder if I was cleaning it regularly enough. I didn't check for any miniscule sign of soap scum around the edges or anything like thta. I just closed my eyes and basked in the beauty of it. I was allowing something that was literally millions of years old melt away my tension in the best and most natural way possible. No fancy bath salts. No special scents or fluffy candles. Just me and water. Water that God made long before my mother's great-great-great-great grandmother was a spec in her great-great-great grandmother's eye. Water that has been Lord knows where and seen God knows what. How amazing is that????
And while I am not sitting at home, basking in the beauty of God's creations in my bathtub every day;.. I realized in the same bath that the last couple of months really have been healing for me.
Yes, I've healed physically. I've diagnosed health problems and have been tackling them.
But that's not what I mean. Just being HOME, with my daughter, away from my degree, my career, and anyone telling me what to do, has been healing.
Yes, I've spent many days on the couch. I've felt like a sloth. I've stayed in my pajamas, as has my 3 year old, for countless hours.
But I NEEDED that.
For years, I have thought that mental health days were just a fun way of saying you wanted to be lazy for the day. And all that time, my body was trying to tell me it NEEDED those mental health days. It NEEDED to recuperate. It NEEDED to sit still for a day or two.
And yet I never did. My idea of taking it easy was to run errands for my extended family before taking my daughter to the park, making 5 business phone calls, making a game plan for the rest of the week/month, paying bills, and inviting guests over so that I could clean and cook for them. And at the end of the day, I'd sit back and go "Ah, today was nice and relaxing" Insanity, I tell ya!
So the last few weeks I have laid on the couch, caught up on HGTV and Lifetime, and eaten way too many cookies.
But I have also started new food choices and learned more about what I need to be doing for my body.
I have been able to see the specialists I need to see and have the tests done that I need.
I have been able to take care of my family and do our laundry and read more than 1 book to my daughter at a time because I'm not too exhausted to do all of it.
And the last few days, I have READ A BOOK. I couldn't even tell you the last time I READ. It's amazing and liberating and so overdue.
I have put on a few pounds. But I can't wait to get back into a routine to get them off. I haven't been to a gym in almost 3 years. I haven't needed to. Between running myself ragged and already having a nutrion-depleted body, who needs cardio?
I am focusing and organizing and doing all of the things that I've known for the last 4 years that I've WANTED to do... but have never found the time or energy for.
And so when people ask me when I'm going to pick my degree and my career back up, finish them, and run with it... I just shrug. And yes, my mother doesn't get it. I feel her heart sink every time I tell her that the master planner she knows as her daughter doesn't have a plan.
But she doesn't realize how amazing and healthy it is not to have a plan right now.
God Bless!
Melissa
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